Let Us Share a Dream
by dragonpearlz
Summary: Remus and Severus are on a date when Remus remembers how Lily saw the beauty in him when he could not. Severus is coming down with a cold and wants to hear the stories. Written for Siaren. R Lupin/S Snape


Title: Let Us Share a Dream  
>Written For: Siaren<p>

"Dicken knows things no one else knows," Mary stated to Colin.

Remus finally convinced Severus to go out to the local library's movie night with him. The movie this time was Hallmark's The Secret Garden.

Severus would have rather had his eyes gouged out with spoons than have watched the brightly colored, cheerful movie. But, it was obvious Remus was enjoying it. He folded his arms across his chest and concentrated on not sighing loudly. A wet sniffle shook him out of his thoughts.

He stole a glance at Remus.

Remus' eyes were red, and he held a handkerchief up to his nose. He snuffled into it and then dabbed at his eyes.

Severus put a hand on Remus' knee and gave him a look as if to ask, "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Remus whispered back. He cleared his throat and went back to watching the movie.

Severus, however, remained watching Remus. Within moments, his eyes were filled with tears again. He snuffled again, wetter this time, and finally blew his nose quickly.

Now Severus had something else to concentrate on: why his boyfriend was crying. The movie had been heartwarming – just the type to make Remus cry a little. But recurring tears were generally caused by emotional pain. The question that Severus needed to answer was: what was causing the pain and could it be fixed?

When the movie ended, Severus realized that Remus was not the only person crying. In fact, there were so many people dabbing at their eyes that Severus felt a bit out of place.

He lead Remus to the back of the building. "Are you quite all right?" he asked, knowing that Remus would say yes, but mean no.

"Yes," Remus responded breathlessly.

The quiet helplessness of the word made Severus give in to a semi-carnal urge, as he leaned over and kissed Remus passionately.

At first Remus returned the kiss, but after a moment, he pushed Severus back. "Not right now," he demanded. The helplessness that was in his previous statement was gone. Remus was quite 'not in the mood.'

"All right," Severus said, trying not to let his pride get the best of him. "Then would you mind telling me why you're crying like a stood up prom student?" His biting tone made him flinch as if Remus had spoken it to him.

"I'm not bawling like a student," Remus said defiantly. "But, if I was, I would be certain not to bother you with it!" He glared at Severus, and apparated away with a 'pop'.

"Damn," Severus swore quietly, and apparated back to their flat.

Luckily Remus was there. But, it was obvious that he didn't want Severus anywhere near him.

"Remus, I apologize. I was far too harsh with you this evening. What is bothering you?"

"Nothing you'd care about," Remus stated without emotion.

The force of the words felt like a physical blow to Severus. He sat down on the couch, and listened to Remus putter around the kitchen for a bit. He rubbed at his eyes, which felt dry and heavy all of the sudden – the way they did when he had a migraine forming.

"Remus, I do care," he said, coming into the kitchen. He rubbed his eyes again, and then massaged his temples for a moment.

"Are you well?" Remus asked.

"Just tired," Severus answered. "And, I'm worried about you, and I don't want to fight. What was it about the movie that triggered such an emotional response?"

Remus swallowed thickly. "Lily," he whispered. He had known that Severus and Lily were friends at one point of time. He even thought it possible that Severus had a crush on her in Hogwarts. But, he didn't want to cause Severus undue heartache or pain. The man had been through enough already.

Severus felt his breath catch in his throat. He coughed lightly to force air through his lungs. He suddenly noticed how much the character 'Mary' acted like Lily… his Lily. He felt dizzy. "What about her?" he asked. His voice was quiet and gentle, with only a hint of protectiveness.

"I can't explain it exactly," Remus responded. "Lily was there for me at a time when no one else was. She had a way of seeing the beauty in people, even – or possibly especially – when the couldn't see it in themselves. The character, Mary… her friendship with Dicken and Colin… they all could see the beauty in each other … even when they couldn't see it in themselves." He paused, contemplating his words carefully. "It just reminded me so much of her."

"Hat'chom!" Severus sneezed suddenly. His head throbbed in protest.

"Severus? A sneeze?" Remus responded. He crossed the kitchen slowly. In all their years together, he had never heard Severus sneeze.

Severus held up his hand, gesturing for Remus to pause. His vision swam before him. Urgently, he pulled out his handkerchief and sneezed heavily into it. He paused with the handkerchief still held to his face. The pain in his head was so distracting it was nearly crippling.

"Come, let's get you into bed," Remus said.

Severus let the low tenor of his voice to sooth his aching head, and allowed the man to guide him towards their bedroom. Suddenly, Severus stopped. Grateful that he had not yet lowered the handkerchief, he allowed the sneeze to explode out of him. "Ha-ek-Ka'Tchoom!"

"Goodness," Remus said, "You must be getting sick."

Severus honked his nose and sighed wearily. "The general response it 'bless you'. But, seeing as I am beyond a blessing at this point of my life – even if there is life after death, it is unlikely that I will see Lily – or even you there." He sneezed again. This time more desperately and coupled by a harsh cough.

"Severus," Remus started, but Severus cut him off.

"I can hear that tone in your voice. Do not get maudlin on me now. I simply cannot stand another fight tonight."

"Well… it's okay then," Remus said awkwardly.

After Remus helped him get undressed, they snuggled under the covers.

"You're very warm," Remus said to him, a tinge of worry on the edge of his voice.

"Tell me your memory," Severus replied.

"What?"

"You're memory of Lily… I find your voice very soothing… tell me how she saw the beauty within you."

Remus paused. "I'm not much of a story teller."

Severus shifted so that his arms wrapped almost completely around Remus. "Just talk then," he whispered. "I'll listen."

Remus adjusted, so that he was lying on his back. Severus readjusted so his head was on Remus' chest. "Don't move more," he directed. "It makes my neck hurt."

Remus dropped a kiss on his head and closed his eyes.

"It was our third year. Lily and I were hanging out more and more – talking in the library and doing extra research together. She started noticing things about me… noticing when I was getting sick – even before I did… noticing when I was angry or upset – even when I tried to hide it. She really seemed to care about me. And, she _hated_ James."

"You fell in love with her," Severus whispered. "I understand the attraction."

Remus nodded. "Yea. But, then she started hanging out with him – with us – more… and right before my eyes, she started to fall for him. I told myself that it was okay. Because, you know, I was a monster and didn't want anyone to suffer because of me. Lily deserved better. She was happy with James."

Severus snorted, but said nothing.

"But watching the only person I'd ever connected with connect deeper and more intimately with James… well… it destroyed my confidence. I didn't want to study with her – or at all anymore. I went into my transformations hoping that I would die. Then James, Peter, and Sirius figured out that I was the reason the Shrieking Shack got its name. I still don't know how. Sometimes I wonder if it was that Lily had figured it out and told them…" He paused for a moment. He sighed and continued. "Then that January I came down with a horrible case of the flu. It was dreadful. When I was on the mend, I was studying in the library and Lily came up to sit across from me.

"_How are you feeling, Remus," Lily asked gently. She leaned across the table in order to make direct eye contact with him._

_Remus looked into her brilliant green eyes and sniffed with a shrug. _

"_James told me that you were really doing poorly for a while. I missed seeing you."_

"_Thanks," he whispered._

"_Remus, I need to ask you something. And, I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell James."_

"_What's up?"_

"_Remus… do you love me?"_

_His breath caught in his chest. "No," he lied._

"_Remus, look at me when you lie to me. Do you love me… is that why you stopped talking to me? Stopped meeting me to study?"_

_Tears formed in his eyes. "It's okay, Lily. I'm happy to see you so happy. I could never make you happy anyway." His voice caught, and he coughed._

"_Oh Remus. Come on. Let's go to the astrology tower. We need to talk." She took him by the hand and lead him out of the library. When they got to the top of the tower, she let go. "Remus, I'm sorry. I rather fancied you myself. And, I never thought I'd love James. But… he's grown on me. I didn't mean to hurt you."_

"_It doesn't matter, Lily!" he snapped. "I'm a sickly, stupidly intelligent, monster. Who the hell is ever going to want me? I was close once with you. But really? Come on! I'll never marry a muggle, that's for damn sure. And, to ever find someone who will want to take care of me? Nah…" He got quiet for a second and peered off the edge of the tower. "Lily, would you be upset if I fell?"_

"_Now you listen to me, Remus J. Lupin!" she retorted. "What makes you think someone will always need to care for you?"_

_As if in response, he sneezed wetly._

"_Everybody gets sick from time to time. That's expected. As for your… affliction… maybe she'll have it too. Or you'll find someone who studies it… or doesn't care. Remus there are good women out there, looking for a good man. And you're a good man. You're always there for your friends. You never put yourself first. You come up with the most thoughtful gifts. And, you're handsome! Remus, you're a good catch and a good man. Just not *my* good catch and good man." She paused before continuing. "And, as an answer to your question, yes, I will be very upset if you fell. In fact, if you did so tonight, I would cry for days. I would blame myself for bringing you up here and for breaking your heart. And I may follow you, just to yell at you on the other side."" _

Severus chuckled. I could see her saying that. "Heh…ih..eh? Het'choom!" He sneezed over his shoulder. "Ow," he groaned.

"My love…" Remus cooed. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, but I couldn't bear to let go of you."

Remus raised an eyebrow and stroked Severus' hair. "Okay." He called for some potions. "How about you drink the fever reducer and pain reliever for me?"

Severus nodded and sat up to drink them down. "Heh-Kessshoo!" he sneezed wetly, as the pressure changed. "Sorry," he breathed. In two quick gulps, he swallowed the potions and settled back onto Remus.

"Did you ever date again?"

"Yea… but nobody was like her."

"This is true," Severus agreed. "She had a similar conversation with me… well before I screwed everything up and made her hate me forever."

"She didn't hate you forever," Remus corrected.

"What? How could she not? I was a heartless git."

"You were," Remus agreed. "But, this is Lily we're talking about here. She forgave you. She was scared for you. She never told James, but she and I would talk about Voldemort and where you were and what you were doing. She told me once that every time the doorbell rang unexpectedly, a part of her hoped it was you coming to us for refuge. She would have hidden you, you know… even if it cost her marriage with James. She always hoped you would find your way out of that mess."

"The night she died," Severus mumbled. "I tried not to let it happen."

"Peter had told us where they were – and that Harry had been born. He told us who their secret keeper was. It was horrible. Voldemort wanted to take them out the night Harry was born, but I stalled him. I tried to get messages to Dumbledore to move them, to hide them. But, he said they wouldn't go." He sniffled wetly, and Remus felt tears on his chest. "I tried to protect her. I didn't want her to die. I loved her."

"I know. She was so easy to love."

He felt Severus nod against him.

"When she was in University, she rescued me from myself again. She was driving down the road I was hitchhiking on. And she slowed down and let me hop in.

"_Remus, what the hell are you doing?"she admonished as soon as he got in the car._

"_I would have thought that was inherently obvious."_

"_But why?"_

"_I'm looking for a new job. The last one figured out what I am… and they told my landlord. So, now I have no job and no home."_

"_You're staying with James and I … forever if you have to," she stated without hesitation._

"_Eh. I don't want to bother you."_

"_Remus, for the hundredth time, you aren't a bother. We love you. I love you."_

_He made a non-committal noise. _

"_We do."_

"_I'm a pain. I'm a drain and a burden."_

"_Remus, stop it!" she snapped. "You are a kind, loving, caring man. You are the reason James and Sirius passed through Hogwarts. You always put us first… like that loan you gave James. 200 gold coins is a LOT of money."_

"_You guys needed it for Harry…"_

"_And we appreciate it. But, you're not going homeless. We won't let you. I'd rather you be Harry's tutor as he grows up. We'll send him to Hogwarts, when it's safe, of course. But, until then – he needs to learn things besides the basics. You're the smartest person I know. I want you to teach Harry, in trade for room and board with us. Any money you make is yours to spend as you wish."_

"_How is it that you always know what to say to me to make me feel better?"_

"That's what friends do,"" he and Severus stated at the same time. "She'd said it to you too, huh?"

Severus stifled a sneeze. "She was a golden friend." He sneezed again, into the crook of his arm. "Het'choom! Ket'Chisshh!"

"You know, she'd probably be happy that we found each other," Remus stated. "And, that you got out from Voldemort's inner circle."

"Likely so," Severus responded with a sniffle.

"Let us share a dream of her," Remus said as he wandlessly blew out the lights.

"To she who inspired us to dream of the future. Let us now share a dream of our past," Severus whispered.


End file.
